Fashionista I am not. My everyday outfits consist of jeans and a t-shirt. If I’m going somewhere nice, I will wear a dress or, at the very least, a skirt. I don’t understand the desire to spend hundreds of dollars on one clothing item nor the need to have designer labels. So, I’m far from an expert when it comes to clothes. However, when it comes to something ugly, I think I know what I’m talking about.
If you’re not from the Midwest, perhaps you have the good fortune not to know what Vera Bradley* is. The basic premise of Vera Bradley product is to take a bunch of fabric with paisley print in the most obnoxious colors, sew it into a handbag and various other items, and then sell it for about 500 times what it is worth.
Sewn handbags are not the problem. Quilted handbags scream, “OLD LADY!” Quilted paisley handbags scream, “BLIND, OLD LADY!” In what universe does a paisley patterned purse go with any outfit? If you carry a bag with a lot of pattern going on, then you should dress plainly to counter-act the nauseating effects of the bag. However, most Vera Bradley carriers don’t abide by this. I once saw a woman wearing a dress suit (head to toe, mind you) like this:
while carrying a bag with this pattern:
The other puzzling thing about this phenomena is the age range of the products’ carriers. No one would be surprised to see a 70-year-old woman carrying such a hideous thing but 20, 30, and 40-year-old women also carry them, as if they can’t wait to grow old. What really baffles me, though, are the high school girls who drool over these purses. I once even saw an 8-year-old carrying a small purse. Oh, the inhumanity!
*My apologies to anyone who likes/carries Vera Bradley. You should really set up that eye appointment before the blindness sets in.