Choose your cemetery based on the hilarity of its signs

07 Jul

The city in which I live has a pretty big cemetery in the middle of it.  Despite living here for over a decade, I have yet to set foot inside it.  I’ve been told its gorgeous but if there are rotting bodies, count me out.

This particular cemetery has had a few brow-raising messages on its marquee lately.  The first:

One would think that a cemetery would not be concerned about safety in the slightest.  The less safe people are, the more business they’ll get.  Perhaps it’s a ploy.  Maybe they tell people to wear dark clothes, that the best rides are late at night down busy streets, and that helmets are for losers.

Then there was this sign:

This is my favorite cemetery.  What’s yours?  I can just imagine reading on my news feed, “Bob Smith posted on Cemetery’s wall, ‘I’m not feeling too well and I keep coughing up blood.'”

What sign will be next?  Here are a few options I’m throwing out there.

How to Stay Healthy Seminar – Sponsored by Philip Morris

Alcohol: The Elixir of Life

The Raw Diet: Eat More Raw Meat

We’re Plotting Your Demise

Get the Latest Tweets from Our Residents


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