Validation now comes in an upbeat song

22 Oct

According to you
I’m stupid, I’m useless.
I can’t do anything right.
According to you
I’m difficult, hard to please,
forever changing my mind.
I’m a mess in a dress,
can’t show up on time,
even if it would save my life.
According to you.
According to you.

But according to him,
I’m beautiful, incredible.
He can’t get me out of his head.
According to him,
I’m funny, irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.

These are some of the lyrics to the song According to You by Orianthi.  It’s a catchy and upbeat tune.  The first time I heard the song, I liked it (I still kind of do).  But the lyrics bother me.*  She’s thinking leaving a guy who is unappreciative of her (positive) but seeks validation from another man in order not to feel bad about herself: “I need to feel appreciated, like I’m not hated.”

Young women have so many mixed messages coming at them from the media and I think this could be a damaging one.  They should know they don’t need a man to make them worthwhile, that what they think of themselves is every bit as and even more important than that.  Growing up, I didn’t have many boyfriends and the few that I did have were very, very short-lived.  I was lonely and wanting a boyfriend and there was no public figure around telling me that it was okay if I didn’t have one.  It wasn’t until after college that I grew comfortable with the person I was when I was alone.  I don’t think that what I experienced is all that uncommon.  What I would really like to hear, and I think thousands of teen girls need to hear as well, are lyrics that go something like this:

According to me,
I’m beautiful, incredible,
everything you think I’m not.
According to me,
I’m funny, irresistible,
everything I want to be.

What a positive message!  Get out of a relationship with someone who does not appreciate you and be happy with who you are!  That’s what teen girls in this generation and the next (and the next, etc.) need to hear.  Men do not validate women.  We validate ourselves.

*In the music video, she rocks out really hard on the guitar, which is kick-ass, positive female imagery.  Hooray for her!

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Posted by on October 22, 2010 in Rants


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